Fear and Perfectionism

fear

ˈfir/

noun

 an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat

&

per·fec·tion·ism

pərˈfekSHəˌnizəm/

noun

refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.

Fear, and perfectionism are two things that can most certainly cause issues regarding new relationships. Don’t get me wrong, being fearful of a new relationship is normal, and hoping for things to be perfect is also very normal, but to miss out on something great because you are so fearful of what could possibly go wrong & because you have this picture painted in your head of how your life is supposed to turn out is just sad.
Fear is a completely normal emotion to have when it comes to a new relationship. You’re fearful of getting hurt. You’re fearful of hurting the other person. You’re fearful of being vulnerable and letting someone in. You’re fearful of the unknown. Feeling this way is normal, but if you don’t push fear aside and take chances, you may never meet anyone and  miss out on being happy. Instead you will just be living in fear, most likely alone. Running from your feelings is obviously the easier route, because you minimize the chance of getting hurt, but what’s the point of that?
No doubt, it’s absolutely terrifying to put your heart on the line and potentially get it ripped out, but look at the other side of the situation. If you never give anyone the chance to have your heart, you may never get the chance to feel something so meaningful and deep with another person. After all, isn’t that the greatest feeling in the world? To share moments, and memories with a person who you care about? To have a best friend you can tell absolutely anything too? To have a person who you can be yourself around, who loves you for you? To have someone to laugh with? In my mind, that’s what life is all about. Finding that one person who you consider your best friend. But how are you ever supposed to find that person if you don’t allow yourself to take chances and stop running away from your fear?

Perfectionism on the other hand, is also a feeling that can cause a great deal of confusion and pain when it comes to a new relationship. We can all admit that we have sat there and fantasized about how we see our life turning out. What our partner is going to be like. How many children we are going to have. Where we are going to live. What type of job we are going to have… the list is endless. Now there is a huge difference when it comes to fantasizing about how our life is going to turn out, and actually having set rules and plans on how everything has to turn out aka: being a perfectionist.
Regarding our partner, it’s normal to have a type. Most people have an idea of how they wan’t their partner to look, but to be a perfectionist regarding hair and eye colour and other superficial things in my opinion is a little ridiculous i.e: height, bust size, genetics. Sure, you may never go for someone with hazel eyes, but to meet a person who in fact has hazel eyes, and you end up getting along with them tremendously, but end it because they have the wrong eye colour makes no sense whats so ever. That person could be everything you are looking for when it comes to personality, and chemistry, but because of one superficial thing, you throw it away.
Maybe one day you’ll find someone with the right eye colour, hair colour, bust size, height, genetics, job, etc, but will they click with you like the girl with hazel eyes did? Maybe they won’t. Maybe they will have everything regarding the looks department, but will that raw connection be there? Rather than throwing something away that’s real, for something that may not exist, why don’t you realize that at the end of the day all that really matters is a meaningful connection. This whole thing about perfectionism stems right back to fear. Fear of making a mistake. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of success.
At the end of the day, when it really comes down to the raw stuff, the nitty-gritty, who honestly cares about those minor little details. Sure, you may be specifically looking for a certain type of person, and congratulations if you find them, but if you find someone else who doesn’t fit your superficial rules and regulations, but they make you happy, if they make you smile, if they make you laugh, and if you feel like that connection is 1 in a million, why let them go?
Because you’re scared? Have you ever stopped and thought they maybe they are just as scared as you? They are in the exact same situation you are in. They are in the same vulnerable state, giving you their heart, hoping you won’t break it.
Remember that you’re not alone.
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