Allow, & Forbid

“Imagine I allowed that”

“I forbid them to do that”

These phrases aren’t things one should say while in a relationship. I’m sure we have all been with someone who says these things, or we have even been the person saying those things.

Controlling another persons decisions is not only childish, it’s very selfish. While dating someone, no one should ever be told how to do things, or who they can see or talk to. A relationship isn’t supposed to feel like one is the puppet, and the other is the puppet master. Sure, if you want to, you can be the pyscho partner who tells their significant other what to do and make yourself think the way you’re acting is okay, but it’s not. You’ll most likely end up alone and sabotaging your relationship. What gives you the reason to control another persons life? To tell a person what they can & cannot do is absolutely ridiculous.

On that note, if you tell your partner what to do, and they follow your demands; doesn’t it bother you? Even though you got your way, doesn’t it make you wonder if you never told them what to do, would they have done those things on their own? Probably not…

I’ll admit, I’ve been the pyscho girlfriend who controlled their boyfriend. I would tell them who they can and cannot see, what they can and cannot do, etc. I thought I was doing the right thing, I thought I was helping them; by making smart decisions for them. Who am I kidding though, what I was doing was so unbelievably toxic, not only for myself, but for the relationship.

When I look back at these relationships, I realize now that it wasn’t the person I was dating that was the problem, I was the problem. I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I thought I was, but I clearly had a lot to work on when it came to myself. The most important aspect in a relationship is trust. If you’re having to tell your partner who they can and cannot talk to, or who they can and cannot see – there clearly is no trust, and if you don’t have trust, then you don’t have anything.

“Love cannot live where there is no trust”

Sure, you can trick yourself into thinking the reason you’re making these demands is because you care about them, and you want what’s best for them, or that whoever they see or talk to bothers you, which is why you don’t want them to see them, but the real reason is because you don’t trust them, and no matter how many times they follow through with your demands it will never be enough. You’ll never be happy, and you’ll always demand something new. Even if the person you’re dating is amazing, and gives you no reason not to trust them, unfortunately because you’re not comfortable with who you are, you’ll always feel insecure, you’ll always wonder if they are telling the truth, and you’ll always wonder if they care about you as much as you care about them. Unfortunately you’ll never actually know how someone truly feels about you, you just have to trust their word and feel secure about yourself to not assume different.

If you’re telling your partner who they can & cannot see, or what they can and cannot do, you may want to take a step back and reevaluate your relationship. It may be time to take some time to yourself to grow as a person. At the end of the day, no relationship is going to help your insecurities.

“Love doesn’t isolate. If you have to cut off friends & family to please your partner, you’re not in a relationship. A person only isolates you so they can control you.”


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