Why Do We Stay Friends With People Who Treat Us Badly?

Friends… what are they exactly?

  

Okay… so a friend is someone who listens, doesn’t judge, & makes everything all right. I have a few of those, and the friendships are amazing. We have heart to hearts, we have fun nights out, we have amazing nights in with a tub of ice cream and a rom-com, we understand life gets in the way and we can’t talk 24/7, we respect each other, we are honest with each other, and we support each other. 

But why do we stay friends with people who bring us down, & don’t do those things above? No seriously.. why do we? What the fuck is wrong with us? Why would we want to feel like shit when we hang out with our so called “friends”? Aren’t friends supposed to make you feel good, and aren’t you supposed to have fun with your friends? 

Here are a few reasons why one may stay friends with someone even though this person is not a good friend. 

They have been your friend for years – You have known them forever, and the idea of having that dreaded conversation about drifting apart makes you cringe. You would rather keep them on Facebook, and have to see them once in a while than end a friendship.

They are someone to vent to – Everyone wants someone to vent to about things that are going wrong in their life, and maybe this “friend” is a good listener, or has good insight. Why would you want to stop being friends with someone that you can vent to?

They are someone to gossip with – Gossip, everyone does it. Everyone has that one friend they gossip to about everything, and sometimes finding a new friend to do that with is harder than ever.

They know too much about your life – If you unfriend this friend they may tell other people about all your dirty little secrets. Sometimes it’s better to keep these so called “best friends” your “best friends” so your secrets stay safe. Yes it sucks, at the time you thought ‘I can trust this person with my life’… so you go and tell them your life story, but little did you know you would drift apart and realize that you don’t want to be this person’s friend anymore.

They may turn everyone against you – When you end the friendship, they may turn everyone against you and make you seem like the bad person, when in reality you should be able to end a friendship if you damn well please.

They are a bully – They literally bully you. They bring you down, they insult you, and they make you look dumb in front of others… Why would you want to stay friends with someone like that? Well, maybe because you’re scared it will get worse if you say “I don’t really want to be friends with you anymore”.

It’s honestly just easier – Having that conversation  as to why you don’t see them anymore is sometimes harder than just always saying you’re busy or tired when they ask to do something. Your friend may think they are a good friend so trying to explain it to them might be near to impossible, so rather than starting WWIII it’s sometimes just easier to keep you mouth shut. 

All in all, it is better to have a few really close friends rather than a lot of medeocre friends. 

“Less is more” 

And remember it’s okay to end friendships, especially when your friend isn’t really treating you like a friend anymore. Ending friendships are hard, it’s like ending a relationship; this person was apart of your life for a number of years, and you have most certainly been through a lot, but sometimes it’s time to call it quits (exactly how it would be if you were in a relationship). You eventually get so tired of their bullshit that you can’t take it anymore. Don’t let any of the above reasons stop you from making the decisions you want to make. At the end of the day, your true friends will be there for you with a tub of ice cream if/when you end another friendship. 

 

– Joanna xo

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